Your homework this weekend is to write a story opening about a disastrous trip to the zoo. Remember everything we have been talking about in our English lessons where we have been writing in the style of Michael Morpurgo. Use show me sentences! Do not tell the reader what is happening, make them guess from what you are showing them in your writing. For example, instead of saying ‘the boy was angry’, you might write ‘he clenched his fists and his face turned as red as a traffic light’. Challenge yourself to use as many of the descriptive features we have discussed in class as possible!
The best story opener wins a prize!
P.S Well done to Hana Komurcu for winning last weeks setting description competition!
I’m looking forward to your magnificent comments. Don’t forget to comment on someone else’s homework and tell them what you liked about it!
Mr Lyons
“Daniel, we’re going now!” shouted Mum. Yes! We were finally going ! I could not wait! I climed into the back of the car and Mum started the engine. I could imagne all the animals I would see there.
Girrafes,bats,pandas and,my personal favourite, the camels.
When we arrived Mum bought our ticketsand we drove inside.
We saw loads of monkeys,hyenas and hippos. Then we got to the camels.
Good story opening Eve!
“Michael Its time to go” Shouted Kathrine (Who is Michael’s bigger sister.Finally the day had come yes of course I want to see the SNAKES! “MICHAEL STOP DAYDREAMING WE HAVE GOT TO GO!”Bellowed Mum When she Bellowed the windows shattered into thousands of tiny little pieces. ” Mum why do you have to screech so loud it bursted my ear drums” Moaned Michael.
Next they were on the way to see the Fluffy,Adorable and Cute Cuddly animals.”Are we nearly there yet” Whined A Wearly,Tired and Starved Michael “We are 3 quarters of a mile there” Said Kathrine who was drawing number plates of cars in her Fluffy Big Owl notebook. Michael had had enough his mum was singing his dad was glued to his phone he was like a zombie who had never seen a iPhone before my sister was yapping away like mad he just wanted to get out of the hot stuffy seatbelt and get away from my annoying family.
10 minutes of gabbing phone playing and singing later they could finnaly get out of the warm and hot car “Can we see the snakes mum please” Moaned Michael “OK ” Whined mum (she was warm and hot)
2 Munates later they were at the camel department place Soon Michael was screaming and squealing because a camel had liked his little mouisturised little face Michael was saying for the terror from the lion to attack him is the lion going to get him next for good or is he not.
Wow that is a good opening
This is a good story opener James, but you have written more than the opening!
My mum woke me up as normal,I was so excited the birds were singing on Saturday morning as the sun rise was coming up to smile at me!
Mum ,mum! I shouted down the stairs were going to Blackpool zoo! I had my breakfast as quick as I could and got ready as quick as a blink of an eye.
We set of for the zoo mum sat at the front of the car with nan and I was sat at the back of the strong strawberry smelling car .
One and a half hours later I woke up from my flabbergasting dream.were there was an entrance to the camels I put my window down calmly and safely.
Aaaaaragghhh there hanging its head into my car was a colossal camel I told mum to drive away from it but it started chasing us so we jumped out of the car!
The yards went to take the camel away to be locked up forever.
I shouted “wait you can’t take it away.” So we made an agreement of it was our pet at the zoo and every weekend we went to visit molly the camel.
Well done, Abbie! I like that one!
This is a great story opening Abbie, I want to know what happens when you visit Molly the camel!
Me, Freya and Rebecca were in our gleaming white Fiat off for an exciting day at Chester Zoo. But we were going nowhere fast! I was beeping the horn fiercely and Rebecca had her face in her hands. Aargh! “Why has there got to be roadworks and temporary traffic lights everywhere?” Freya complained. Finally we arrived at the zoo and it was already time for lunch. Then suddenly a greedy,cheeky monkey grabbbed all our sandwiches and in one mouthful they were gone! Surely the day couldn’t get any worse?
Great opening Eve, it sounds like a disastrous day already!
The boy tapped his fingers on the seat in front of him and fidgeted ferociously in his car seat. How much longer before they got to the zoo? After what seemed like a hundred years later they finally arrived. Outside a storm was brewing. The rain fell like a gushing waterfall. The thunderclouds crashed carelessly together like cymbals in a musical band. What a disastrous day to go to the zoo! Soaking wet the boy stomped to the lion enclosure. Closed the sign read. Head down, stomping his feet like a toddler he walked to the monkey section. Suddenly a massive, malicious monkey flew like an aeroplane from a tree and landed straight in front of the boy. With his mouth wide open not able to speak the boy thought what else could go wrong today…
Well done for winning the best setting description!
A great opening Hana, I like your use of alliteration!
Very good opening Hana
Well done Hana for winning the setting description! That must of been you lucky day!
“Ahh the baby monkeys a so cute!” I beamed. The sky was as blue as a peacock, the sun shone all over, no spot was shady. It was the perfect way to start the summer holidays. This day was going to be so fun and relaxing, or so I thought ! The wind that whispered gently was there to complete the day.
” Can we get some ice – cream mum?” I begged. The car was getting humid. Even my mum wanted some ice-cream. I got out of the car, which was as hot as the sahara desert. As soon as we got back into the car to see the lion habitat a peculiar, unexpected guest arrived , one of the camels decided to pop in and to say hello plus took a handful of delectable strawberry sandwich and a fistful of small peanuts. I felt urged to scream but nothing came out, as I had never in my life seen a camel close up. I was as frightened as a mouse, and as small as a bee. It started to get bored of me quickly as I virtually froze. It plodded away. I hoped that the same thing didn’t happen in the lion habitat!
Nithu I liked your comment about the car being as hot as the Sahara desert.
Me to! My car is really hot when it is hot and sunny.
Great story opener Nithu. Good use of similes and 2a sentences!
“Arrrrrrrrrgh!” Screamed Zoe in her terror as the camel leaned up close to her. It was a hot, sunny day and Zoe and her family were at the zoo. Zoe, who had almost fainted, looked the camel straight in the eye. Suddenly, without warning, the strange, huge, grumpy looking camel snatched the delicious, mouthwatering ice cream out of her hand and leaned it’s head into the car. “Don’t panic!” Screamed mum, clearly panicking. Dad reved up the engine and drove out of the camel enclosure. ” I vote we don’t go to that camel enclosure ever again.” Said Zoe, a little calmer now. “Now, where to next.” Said dad….. THE MONKEY ENCLOSURE!” Uh,oh!
Yours is good too
Great opening Lottie, you have certainly left it on a cliffhanger! Well done!
John went to Knowsley safari park and he was hot and sticky so he opened the window of the car, he never knew that there was a camel there. He said, “drive away quick!” His mouth was as wide as a black hole and his eyes were popping out of his head like a jack in a box. The camels teeth were as yellow as his blanket and he could smell the camels breth it was not pleasant! Oh no! Dad’s exorst pipe had fallen off his old rusty car and they could not move. The camel bit John’ s finger and then stomped on the exhaust pipe this was a disasterus day out. The green flag breakdown service came to tow dads car away and John had to go to hospital.
Great opener Ben, I like your simile of the jack in the box! I want to know why he has to go to the hospital!
Lola got in the miniscule car and blissfully sat down on the soft small seat . Tired , starved and excited Lola begged for an ice-cream! “I want ice cream now!” Lola roared!
2 hours later, Lola and her family were nearly there! “I am so excited Lola’s brother bellowed! They finally got there, and saw the great animals! Until they got to the frightening freaky kangaroo’s! And the colossal grumpy kangaroo was about to pounce on Lola’s Dad…
Good opening Katie, good use of synonyms for small and big too!
I love your story opening Lottie!
“Sophie! , it’s time to go!”mum shouted from downstairs my big sister Rebecca striding past her on her way to the car. I cautiously stepped downstairs to were my mum was waiting for me.
“Lets go!” Exclaimed Rebecca so we got in the car and drove for hours until we came to the safari drive through. We were driving through until we came to a sudden stop.uh oh the fuel ran out! Then a donkey headbutted the window. What is going to happen next?…
“MUM!” Alisa cried still hearing the mad monkeys shouting at her , feeling frozen seeing the tiger so close to her left window , She was shouting without sound and running still, but she woke up sweating and her heart betting fast.
“Oh dear it`s a dream of the disaster safari park trip,” Wondered Mum.
When last week……..
I like your story openingB-)
Some good ideas in your story opening Alisa!
We jumped into the car, the day we had been waiting for had finally arrived. The hour long journey to our destination seemed like a flight to Australia. I smiled at my brother and he smiled back, we had been desperate to see lions ever since watching a documentary on TV. Little did we know how close we would come to them……
I really like the last sentence of your opening Will! Well done!
As we pulled up on the car park of the zoo I knew by the look on dad ‘s face that it was going to be a long day . “Well, l cant see any spaces dad said , his face going redder and redder.
“Try over there, look there is a sign” said mum
I just sat back in my seat, put in my ear phones ,turned up my music and waited. I looked at the queue of people waiting to get
in and i looked at my dads face as he strained to find somewhere
to park and i thought this at the zoo is going to be a disaster.
Great opening Matthew! It sounds like a bad day already!
“George we’ve got to go now so hurry up!” shouted mum. “Nooooooo!” I said. Why? Why had my sister chosen this birthday party, she knows what happened last year. Suddenly my stomach churned and I started sweating, today was the day I came face to face with the monstrous creature once again!
Fantastic opening Joe!
Well it was time to go on our long awaited day out. We were so excited but mum wasn’t. I don’t know why. When we arrived we got our tickets and off we went. ” wow look at all the amazing animals” said dad. ” Yeah” said Scarlett. “Look mum at that horse it’s coming towards us” said scarlett. ”aaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhh”screamed scarlett. It was coming in through the window about to eat my apple.
good story opening Scarlett I love it.
It was just a normal day at the zoo. “Well? What do you want to see next then Hannah?” Asked mum. “Can we go through the drive through please?” Replied Hannah. So off we went in the car to the drive through.
Finally we eventually arrived at our favourite animal! The Zebra!
But the zebra wasn’t any old zebra. This zebra was a little bit mischievous zebra… The Zebra walked over to the car and I forgot to put the window up! Suddenly, the zebra popped its head in the car and sneezed all over Hannah’s new clothes! Mum and dads face were as red as tomatoes. Hannah wondered what her punishment was…
I think everyones story are Good!
Well done ben!